wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
