I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize