He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
