Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
