If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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