Who wears a wallet chain?!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
