just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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