So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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