I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
