well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
