Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
