She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
