i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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