His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Four minutes until I can fart!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
