dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
