i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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