How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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