god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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