life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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