I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
