Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
