Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she told me i tasted like america
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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