I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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