i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
