The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
