after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
