We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
