The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
