I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
