Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
