Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
