I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
