chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
