I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
