there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
