This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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