New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
