I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
