I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
