he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
