ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
