my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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