we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
