i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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