My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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