The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
