Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
