if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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