I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i think i just lost a toe
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
