it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
soo... how was my night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
