finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
