We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
