i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
