You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
