i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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