So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
