I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
