dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
