Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
