Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize