I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
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