"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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