As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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