Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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