I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
