i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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