Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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